Our three simple requirements for a beer garden

This place is not - nor has it ever been - a beer garden. (Photo via DoctorWho on Flickr)

We’re starting to sound like a broken record here. We’ve come across some pretty awful lists of “the best beer gardens in New York” over the summer, but this one from NYC 10 Best might be the worst offender of them all, mainly for one of their selections:

McSorley’s Old Ale House.  15 East 7th Street, East Village.  When it doors opened in 1854 this NY beer garden was called “The Old House at Home” and is conisidered the oldest active bar in the city.  Today, this bar now renamed to McSorley’s, still only serves their two, 150 year old house draft beers – McSorley’s Cream Stock Ale and McSorley’s Famous Lager [Ed. note: McSorley’s hasn’t served a “Cream Stock Ale” in a long time. They serve an Irish Red Ale and an Irish Dark Lager].  Every serious NY beer drinker must visit this historic spot and try both flavors while standing on the saw dust covered floors at least once in their lifetime.

We really shouldn’t even have to explain why McSorley’s isn’t a beer garden. Never - EVER - in McSorley’s history has it been called a “beer garden.” A bar, perhaps. A tavern? Sure. But anyone who thinks that McSorley’s qualifies as a beer garden has either been drinking too much beer, or has absolutely no idea what a beer garden is.

We have three simple qualifications for a beer garden:

1. It must be outdoors.

This, you would think, would be a pretty obvious requirement. But six of the ten places on NYC 10 Best’s list aren’t primarily outdoors. Some have a sidewalk cafe or a small backyard, but when your beer is served indoors and the vast majority of your space is indoors, you’re not a beer garden. There’s no such thing as an “indoor beer garden.” That’s a “beer hall,” which is also a perfectly good thing.

2. It must have communal seating.

This is more about the social aspect of beer gardens. It’s sort of an intangible, but Germans value beer gardens for what they call Gemütlichkeit, defined as the “notion of belonging, social acceptance, cheerfulness, the absence of anything hectic and the opportunity to spend quality time.” If you’re sitting at a two-seat table in a corner somewhere, you’re not exactly being social.

3. It must have shade from natural vegetation.

This is rooted in the history of beer gardens in Central Europe. Beer gardens were built on brewery grounds above spaces where beer was stored underground to stay cool. To keep the beer even cooler, the beer gardens were naturally shaded by trees. There can be some sunny spots - this is New York City, after all, and vegetation is at a minimum. But beer gardens are places to cool off and drink beer, not places to dehydrate while the sun bears down on you and reflects off the concrete.

That’s all we ask of beer gardens, really.

Not many places in New York qualify as “beer gardens” by these definitions, but that doesn’t make the places that don’t qualify bad. There are some excellent beer bars with backyard spaces. There are some excellent beer halls that serve authentic German beer. There are a handful of great beer gardens. But food writers, nightlife writers, and - the worst offender - the creators of an app that guides people to supposed “beer gardens,” need to stop shoehorning places that aren’t beer gardens into “best beer gardens” lists.

Just call them what they are: places to drink beer and be happy.